I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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