i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
