Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
