She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
