i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
