I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize