I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
