Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
