so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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