this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
