I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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