never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
