Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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