I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
