Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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