i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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