help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
