batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
