At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just pee around me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
