you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
