We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize