Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
