I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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