my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
