The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
