i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
