I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize