Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
