All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
