$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
