Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
tell me about the eggs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
