i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize