She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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