1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
