My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
why is half of my head shaved?
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