My friends, they love my intelligence
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
