I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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