I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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