I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
