The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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