You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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