apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
