Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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