I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
