she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
