so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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