Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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