I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
