i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
