dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
