the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
