Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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