PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
