i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
