I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
