Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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