Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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