R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
