Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Randomize
