when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
