Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
