I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
