Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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