thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
