I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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