in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
