We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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