and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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