Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
