I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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