I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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