So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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