I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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