hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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