is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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