They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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