my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize