he wants to bone in the snuggie
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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