forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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