her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
