i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
