I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
