The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
