A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
