Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
