How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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