He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
