The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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