I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
