she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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