Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this beer tastes like vomit already
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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