can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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