He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
