Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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