arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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