i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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