Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.

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(207): View more from Maine

No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

Fav 51 1809 3887
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(317): View more from Indiana

idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break

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(518): View more from New York

She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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(206): View more from Washington

it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"

Fav 8 3499 1424
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.

Fav 2 1815 1171
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?

Fav 3 914 585
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(404): View more from Georgia

Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."

(404): View more from Georgia

BAT SHIT CRAZY

(404): View more from Georgia

It's you're fault, even though I never called

Fav 2 906 573
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