one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We need to rekindle our bromance
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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