What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
